Would I go through surrogacy again?
A lot of you have asked me why have I done surrogacy abroad and would I do it again would I of know what I went through?
The answer is yes! A million times yes! I’ve gone to the moon and back for these kids, and I would do it all over again.
On November 30th, I became a dad to twin girls via surrogate in Kenya. It has been a long and extremely tough journey for me including a relationship breakup, four unsuccessful embryo transfers, not to mention all the legal bullshit I went through. But when I look into Mia and Stella’s eyes, it all disappears.
On November 14 (my birthday), my mom and I traveled from Toronto, Canada to Mombasa, Kenya, where my surrogate gave birth to Mia and Stella. I thought I loved before, but nothing compares to this feeling. Sadly that period of boundless joy was short-lived as problems began almost immediately. Let me start off by saying that 1 week before I left my agency emailed me saying that I would have to pay $3500 US dollars more for hospital fees which were supposed to be included in my original contract. On top of that, I was told to bring a female “companion.” You see why I choose Kenya was because the clinic I used advertised that it was the only country where a single man or same-sex couple can go through the process. In all other countries, you must be married and in my case to a woman. Well after an endless amount of research I thought it best to go through this journey where everything was legal. But a week before my travels I was told that if I didn’t have a female companion with me, then I couldn’t see my kids and I would have to pay $5000 US so that the clinic can arrange a female partner for me. I was enraged but what was I to do?
Thank God one of my best-friends from Bahrain was able to come and after seeing us together in the hospital, I was able to get the court order to have my own children.
The fun didn’t stop there. Then there was the issue of the birth certificates. After paying an external agent to receive my girls birth certificates, they had just the girls name on it, MIA and STELLA, no last name, and for the fathers’ name they had written XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. After 2 weeks of fighting with the registrar office and more money spent on more court orders, I was able to convince the stupid lady to at least put the girls last name on it. Thank God that at least they got that, my name is still not on the birth certificates.
But the real issue came when the Canadian High Commission in Nairobi, a 50-minute flight from Mombasa, denied issuing my daughters’ passports. I couldn’t believe it! I’ve also received a lot of comments about how I could not have done all my research before I started the process? My answer to that is, do you think after spending just under 100K, I wouldn’t have done my research?
I was born in Italy to a Canadian mom and then moved to Toronto when he was 6 years old, making me second generation Canadian. In 2015, a new law came out under the Harper Government that second-generation Canadian’s children do not have automatic citizenship, meaning my children have no status in Canada and would have to be sponsored. I knew about this law, and before I sent $20 000 US to the clinic, I consulted with them and the High Commission in Nairobi. I did my due diligence to ensure it wouldn’t be an issue. After endless emails back and forth on Oct 16th, 2017. I got off the phone with the High Commision and was confident that everything was fine.
So three weeks before my flight home I went again to embassy paying 440 US for their citizenship, passports and urgent passport, I had to even book a flight back in order to get the urgent passports. Then on Friday morning, we flew to Nairobi from Mombasa went to the embassy to get our passports, and after 3 hours of waiting with crying babies they told me “No, I couldn’t get passports and would have to sponsor my kids.'” A process they told me would take anywhere between 6 – 12 months. I remember looking at the consular and asking, what am I suppose to do during that time. They looked at me and said, “you gotta wait in Kenya until it gets approved.”
After a 2 am flight to Nairobi and 9 hours at the embassy, I remember getting to the hotel, my mom passing out from pure exhaustion, Stella poor thing, was so tired that she cried and cried. All I wanted to do was close my eyes for just one minute but couldn’t, so I held her and cried with her. I thought here I was a new dad and I already failed my girls, I couldn’t do anything. That day Friday, Dec 28th, 2018 was probably the worst day of my life.
All I know is that I am forever grateful to my mother who has been by my side during this entire ordeal. I don’t know what I would have done without her. Through this nightmare, I tried to stay focused on the reason I was in this situation: to become a dad. These two precious gifts are everything to me, and I would go through it all 1000 times over just to look into their eyes.
You are a hero. Xo
Oh please babe…I’m just a dad. Love you.
You are the best sugar daddy ever! You deserve to be happy! I was worrying all that time you ve been to keniya! Glad it’s over!
Me too… (:
Joseph, Mia, and Stella-
Welcome home first and foremost! I’m so glad you’re finally home, together, starting your life as a forever family!
I am so sorry for everything you went through and I am both disgusted by society that you only had one option and mortified at how you were treated. It’s inexcusable.
I’m so sorry your fatherhood journey began this way and hope the process for Mia and Stella to become Canadian citizens is nothing but smooth from this point forward!
Love and light from Arizona!
Awe thank you so much. It’s ok. Everything happens for a reason and it just made me stronger. I hope The Citizen process goes smoother but I’m sure it will. (:
Wow. Some much endurance and perseverance. You haven’t failed the girls. You’ve done what any other parent would do and that’s to fight and stand up for them. Welcome home xoxo
Thank you, Michelle. (:
My heart broke for you so much the entire time you were there and first started sharing your challenges. You summed it up perfectly though when you said that you would do this all over again to have them! I’m so so happy for you. Your girls are so lucky to have you as a dad! ❤️
I feel like I’m the lucky one…Thank you so much.
You are a loving man and those girls have got the best Dad. You literally went to the ends of the earth for them. All my best to you 3! True lobe forever
Thank you Lori. I would do it all over again!
So so thankful and excited that you got home..I have been following you for a while now n praying for you n your beautiful girls..I remember you saying something on ig about delivery..did you get to be there?
No, I was waiting for there call then I received a picture of them saying congratulations. ):
Beautiful, wonderful and heartbreaking story all in one. I could barely keep back my tears. As a twin mom myself my heart breaks for all the issues you had getting those girls home. But I know they will live a wonderful life here in Canada with such a wonderful father and extended family. xo
Awe. Thank you. And props to twins!!! it ain’t easy, but so worth it.
This is going to be such a crazy story to tell the girls when they’re older! Daddy loves you so much he got on TV to bring you home! ❤️
I’m curious, do you pronounce Mia’s name my-a or me-a?
Me-a (: and yeah they best be grateful!! lol
Wow I cannot believe that single males and same sex couples are still facing discrimination in both adoption and fertility options today. I donated my eggs 6 times about 10 years ago and one of the clinics told me that discrimination in reproductive medicine and adoption was very much a problem. I would have imagined that in 10 years we would have made a lot more progress. Maybe we have and it was just that much worse back then. But in any case, a huge CONGRATULATIONS to you. Your girls are beautiful and I’m sure you’re already seeing what a beautiful gift children are! An exhausting, beautiful gift. Haha
Yeah, unfortunately, it’s still there. But it’s ok I have hope for our future. Thank you for taking the time to read through.
Thank you for sharing your story.
That stupid lady!!! You’re so nice. I would have called her worse names .
So glad you’re home with your babies. ❤️
I had to keep it a bit classy. lol!! Thank you.
I would’ve done it over again too! Enjoy them now..forget the bad times and focus on raising your precious girls..xoxo
Sarina Ferrara -Jones
Thank you so much Sarina! (:
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