“Third Time Around
By the third embryo transfer, it was kinda hard to remain positive. Everyone would say “third times a charm,” which made me cringe every time I heard it. By this point, they were using frozen embryos and I felt that the changes of pregnancy would be less. I had broken up with my ex at this point and tried not to think about it. But inevitably it was all I thought about. I started to question everything. Maybe God didn’t want me to be a dad? Maybe this wasn’t my journey. I thought about my life and wasn’t even sure if I would go through this again. I began to think that if everything happens for a reason then I’d have to accept the fact that maybe this wasn’t for me. Everyone also told me to remain positive and again that was extremely hard. I actually stopped telling people about when the next transfer would be and I asked my friends not to ask me anymore. I knew that it was healthier for me to talk about it but I just wanted to be alone. The one person I needed more than ever checked out and all I wanted to do was stay home with Diesel (my dog). I became a hermit not being able to focus on anything. I watched Youtube videos about IVF and all the people that have gone through it with failed attempts. It was a pretty dark time in my life.
I know that this doesn’t help the people that are going through it, but it’s tough. You need to have a thick skin and continue trying. If it’s something that you really want, it will come. Let go of all the fears and focus on trying to be the best you can be. And try to be happy, after all, we only have one life and you might as well be happy. The waiting sucks! The not being able to do anything, sucks! But there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m excited to see that light.