my surrogacy journey to becoming a single dad of twins

“Single Parent and Dating?

“Single Parent and Dating?

I went to the Banksy Exhibition yesterday with some of my single girlfriends, and we talked about dating and being single in our late 30’s. As you get older, it seems to get harder and harder to meet someone, I know with me I get less interested in the compromising that is inevitable in any relationship. Dating is already hard as a single man, and now my “baggage” just doubled. Hi, I’m Joseph, and I have twins on the way. Not the best of ice-breakers I would say. So this raises the question, how will dating life be as a father? I think finding love as a single parent is more difficult because having children puts people off. Especially in the gay scene, most men don’t want children. They are happy with their carefree lifestyle, travel, party, do what you want when you want it. I find a lot of people love the idea of having kids in theory, but when push comes to shove, once someone reaches 40 and they don’t have kids, the idea soon passes.

And then there is the time factor. For a relationship to work, you have to put 110% into it. I mean I still don’t have my twins, but I’m assuming they will be taking up 170% of my time. How do I find the time for someone else? How does a single parent find the time to work, raise the kids, and then get all dressed up to go and meet someone? I know even now my time is spent on learning all about how to care for babies. Then when they come well dating doesn’t seem to be in the picture.

Then there is the question of if you do meet someone, when would you introduce them to your kids. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been wrong about many people in my life. Now it’s not just about me; it’s about my babies that I want to raise believing in love.

So as I talked with my single girlfriends, a felt a little sad, knowing that dating will probably not be in my cards for a while, not that I am focusing on it, but it would be nice to go through this process with someone. I think these are the steps that make a relationship solid. Having children with someone waters the relationship feeding the roots, planting them further into the ground. Don’t get me wrong I am forever grateful for the support I have from my family and friends. It just that I would love going to Bye Bye Baby or Babies R Us with my partner and together pick out the stroller and decide what color crib matches the room that we have built together for the twins. The other day I went into Babies R Us with my mom to measure strollers and all around us, I saw pregnant women with their husbands smiling and laughing. It was nice to see. Anyway, again, I am grateful for what God has given me, and I am not complaining. For any single parent out there, I would love to hear about your take on dating. Are you dating? Where did you meet them? How did you introduce them to your family?



14 thoughts on ““Single Parent and Dating?”

  • Well you have to dial back your criteria for a relationship. You will easily still find guys that want to get together for fun etc. But they won’t want any part of the kids. Its a matter of compartmentalizing the different parts of your life provided you get help with babysitting watching the kids from someone else.

  • I’m married (to a guy) with a kid. The first 3.5 years, you will have no time for anything but your kids. Not even sexy time fun. But it’s okay. You won’t have time to think about it. But after about 3.5 years, the kids start to be okay and you can have some grown up time again. You’d be surprised how many gay men would love to be fathers, particularly after they spend some time around kids.

      • I have been a single Dad for almost 3 years.
        Speaking from my experience, it seems to be easier to date other single Dads.
        They have a better understanding of what you’re going through, and they aren’t surprised when you have to cancel plans at the last minute, because your son has a fever…
        Etc…
        I’m only speaking on my experiences.
        My son is 10 years old, although i would definitely date someone with babies.
        They have that new baby smell, and they don’t sass talk you.
        At least not yet. 😊
        I wish you the best of luck……
        May you find what you need, when you’re ready. ❤️

  • I would like to first of all say thank you for sharing this. I came across this article today and I haven’t stopped reading it. I am like you. I want children. I have reached a point in my life where I am stable in my job, have a roof over my head and now want a family. I grew tired of waiting for that perfect man to have a family with and started the journey on my own. Reading you now gives me hope and it is not a coincidence that I grew up in Mombasa and now reading about this place that I didnt know existed. I now live in Toronto. If you are open to having friends who share the same ideas like you let me know. Also on the subject of baptism, I understand you on that. I am a roman catholic as well. I havent done my research but I think anglicans do welcome gay people like us and baptize. I hope for the day I will have my wedding in a church too lol. Thanks for making my day

  • In my opinion I find that single dads fund it hard to find someone because now they have more things to look in a man before introducing him to family. I would for sure date a single dad, in fact I want a single dad because I believe that single dads care more as they have had to care for someone else other than themselves. Single dads join single dads club and only socialize with other dads so it is hard for someone single like me to penetrate that circle and find HIM. I want to have kids too in the near future so I wouldnt mind.

  • I have 2 boys- 9 & 17, with 2 different Dads. Dating has certainly changed..and often taken a back seat…. but I also feel that it weeds out those who are ‘good’ for you vs. Those who are ‘bad’ for you. Because you are not just looking for yourself anymore. You will FEEL when the time is right to introduce your new partner to your girls. There is no ‘RIGHT’ answer because it is different for EVERYONE! Go with your gut Daddy! With a heart as big as yours, I have NO doubt that you will find the perfect partner to blend right into your new little family. And I do agree that often times it is best to date someone who already has a child- OR someone who has and is close to their niece/ nephews because only they will truly understand the time commitment/ the bond/ the relationship/ that you aren’t ‘choosing ‘ your children over them- but it is a different relationship and your children NEED you / your guidance/ love/ TIME. (If that makes sense???) I had an ex who also had a daughter- I would come home from work, take care of his daughter and my boys, make dinner etc- and still ‘ get in trouble ‘ because HE felt neglected. It was ridiculous. I was taking care of HIS daughter!! So if you find yourself in that kind of situation- know that, that is NOT healthy! Kids NEED our attention and love FIRST!
    Congratulations to you and your family!! Those little girls are so lucky to have a Daddy who went through so much to bring them life and love!!❤❤

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