I’m not gonna lie; this whole journey hasn’t been easy. Last month I was in Bahrain, a little tiny Island close to Saudi Arabia. I was living there for the past seven years. Well I closed my production company, sold my condo, packed my life and moved back home to Toronto. Here I’ve been building my home for the twins and I while trying to learn all about fatherhood. And although I have fantastic support from my friends and family, preparing for fatherhood alone is not fun. Yesterday I spent 14 hours trying to get things done; I fixed the closets, the doors, finished painting and started putting together the furniture I bought. At midnight, not being able to feel my overworked back, I crawled into bed. Every step has been alone, now it’s time to decorate the nursery, and again I find myself solely deciding every detail. It would have been nice to share some of the responsibilities with someone. To have someone beside me during the times that I feel I can’t go on. To have someone take my hand and show me the light at the end of the tunnel. But I am not complaining, and I will do! If not just for me, for my two angles.
My Ex called me the other day during a low moment, ‘Be happy,’ he says, ‘this is what you wanted.’ Besides wanting to reach through the phone and bitch slap him, I was a little irritated with what he said. Yes, I wanted to tell him, I did want this. I did want to have a family, but you have no idea how hard this has been. Besides the actual physical work, the worrying about my two angels, growing so far away. With each passing week, a new obstacle to worry about. Let’s pass the first trimester, then waiting for the test to rule out Down’s Syndrome at Week 12 (Double Test) followed by Week 18 Triple Test, then the test to detect any gross anomalies at Week 22. Then heading to Kenya to wait in the waiting room to be able to hold them. Again I am not complaining, and I thank God every day for blessing me with this. But there are times when I get really tired, and all I want to do is run.
Next week I will be doing the baby registry, and the house should be complete. I can then start focusing on the little things to make my babies lives more comfortable. So to conclude, like everything in life there are good days and bad days. Would I go through this surrogacy journey alone if I knew what it entailed? Absolutely!! This is the best thing I have ever done.
