From when I can remember I wanted to run away. Ran from who I was, or who I thought I should be; Ran from where I was, always searching for something that, still to this day have no idea what it was. I started modeling at 15, and that lead me to live all over the world. I was out of the house by 18, finished university, moved to Italy were I meet my first love. He was divorced and had two kids. So on my 22nd birthday, I found myself raising a 6 and an 8-year-old. At 30 I ran from that too, running to find something that I still do not have. No matter how much I ran, no matter what part of the world I was in, I still did not find peace. It’s funny the way life works, I ran and ran to find myself right back home.
When I first found out I was having twins, my heart stopped. I thought there is no way I can live with two babies in a loft. I would have to move back with my parents for the first couple years. The thought killed me as I’ve been living on my own for more than 20 years. But I must say after building my own space for the twins and I; I am happy to have my parents so close. Last night I came in from a date, and I could hear my mom and dad talking upstairs, for the first time, I felt a sense of peace. Although my parents cannot physically protect me; I feel a sense of security, I feel happy knowing that my babies will have two amazing grandparents that will be there for them no matter what. I’m in contact with some other single fathers that have gone through my same surrogacy journey, a lot of them are really on their own, my heart goes out to them because honestly, I don’t know if I could do this without the support and love of my parents. Just knowing that they are there, I feel safe. I know my babies will be safe. I love the fact that they will grow up in a big family, although they may only have me as a father, they will have love all around them.
I guess what I learned with all this running was that there is no place like home. Home, is really where the heart is. I’ve been back home for a month now, and I don’t remember the last time my heart felt so happy. Sure I’m shitting my pants, the twins will soon be here, but I know I can do it because of these two extraordinary people in my life. So to my parents, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I thank God daily that you are in my life. I love you.
