my surrogacy journey to becoming a single dad of twins

“My First Purchase

“My First Purchase

Today it’s 20 weeks! 5 months pregnant.  I’m shitting my pants. So what have I been up too?  Besides building a safe and warm house for the twins and I; I’ve been thinking about a baby shower and Gender Reveal, trying to get everything ready for Kenya, doing a  baby(ies) registry, trying to put together a nursery.  Well, let’s just say I’ve been baby busy.  So last week I decided to go to New York, to get away for a bit. Although all I thought about was how this might be my last trip as a single man, without twins… my anxiety just kicked in so let us not dwell on that.  This was the first time that in New York, I did not buy one single thing for myself.  For those that know me and my shoe and bag addiction, you probably won’t believe me, but I actually went to the Supreme store and did not buy anything.   Getting to the point, I walked into Artists & Fleas a cute community type store of local Artists and saw this baby both, Lucky Bug Clothing.   I was greeted by a beautiful Jewish woman from Brooklyn,  who explained that her kids are graphic designers and that they make their clothing in Brooklyn.  The onesies were so cute.  She was so cute.   She explained to me how her daughter drew this shark theme (Lemon Sharks) that is typically a boys animal but specifically made it purple a more “feminine”  colour.  I told her that being Vice President of PFLAG (Parents, families, friends & allies of Toronto’s LGBTQ* community) it was essential for me not to follow stereotypes when it came to gender.  The clothes are made from fast-growing bamboo, which was the softest material I’ve ever felt.  

You see it’s an Italian superstition; you don’t buy clothing until she is far in the pregnancy, because you don’t want any bad luck plus I still don’t know the sex yet!! But I saw something that reminded me of my dad.   The week before my dad yelled at me because Diesel (my dog) ran in his tomato plants.  I took it as a good omen. I thought, my twins, whether male or female would look adorable next summer in their little Summer tomatoes outfits. So, I bought them matching tomato outfits and didn’t think much about it.  I carried on my day, we had a great time, and off to the hotel I went.  It wasn’t until I was packing that it hit me.  I packed up my clothes and then refold two little onesies, and as I put them into my luggage, I started crying. Oh. My. God. I was packing the clothing of my babies. My babies.  This was the first time where I was packing the twins clothing.  Now I know that this is going to happen a lot for the next 20 years, but this was the first moment that it hit me. 20 weeks pregnant!! They are on their way.



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