It’s funny the reactions I get from people when they find out I’m having twins on my own. They are amazed that I would even think of starting this journey. “You are so brave.” I keep hearing. “I can’t believe you’re doing this on your own!” I don’t see myself as brave. Wanting to have a family isn’t a brave decision. I had a partner, he half-ass told me he would be there for me, but after the 3rd failed embryo transfer it became quite clear that he didn’t want kids. So what was I to do? I’ve always wanted a family, a house on the hills with the white picket fence, little Diesel (my dog) barking at a passing cat, the kids playing in the pool while my partner and I threw some steaks on the grill. I don’t think that is brave.
Don’t get me wrong; I can’t even imagine how much work two babies will be, especially on my own. But nothing is going to stop me when I want something. So my decision was not brave, it was natural. It was the natural next step for me to start this journey. From the first moment, it was me that did the research; it was me that signed the contract, it was me who choose the egg, it was me that prepared for surrogacy, that went to Kenya, that went through 4 failed attempts. I was alone when she was finally pregnant and when 21 days later I found out that they were two.
So to the people that can’t believe I am doing this on your own, I say, it was the cards I was dealt. At this point whether I know how to play the game or not, I’m going to fucking try. I will sit on this parenting table, and I won’t leave until I win. So if you think I am brave, then any parent on this earth is brave. Brave for starting a family. To all of you out there that have struggled to create your family, you are the brave ones. I am grateful for all the support I am receiving, and if my twins feel as much love as I do, then we will make it. We may struggle, but we will help each other along the way. One day at a time.
