Time seems to stop when you are waiting for the results. The second Embryo transfer happened on Dec 12, 2017. I was in Toronto with my family. I was optimistic that this time it would be positive. I was in a good place (I thought!) surrounded by love and support so what could go wrong? This time around they used the frozen embryos that were created during the first transfer. I did a lot of reading because I thought that frozen embryos wouldn’t be as strong. But I read that any patient, no matter the amount of time between embryo freezing and thawing, can expect nearly the same potential for success as they experienced with the fresh IVF cycle that the frozen embryos came from.
So what can I say? I waited patiently and on Dec 28th low and behold, negative. Again I receive a whats app text message, “Apologies FET is Negative again. We will do another FET is mid-January.”
Mixed with the extreme sadness, I was beginning to feel a little frustrated with my “Seamless Patient Services Coordinator.” I understand that this is their job and they deal with these things daily. But I wasn’t ordering a bag of oranges, I was trying to have a baby. At least a phone call to let me know that it wasn’t successful and maybe give me a plan of action. (Please note that at the time my “Seamless Patient Service Coordinator” was a 3-rd party and not the clinic. I since changed my “Patient Service Coordinator” and couldn’t be happier. Thank you, Kate.)
Never the less, she wasn’t pregnant, no matter how frustrated I got it wouldn’t change that result. The people around me, God bless them, didn’t really know what to say. I heard; everything happens for a reason, It’s God’s will, 3rd times a charm, Inshallah. All beautiful words that mean nothing when you are in that state. But again there was nothing that I could do but wait for the next transfer. I threw myself into my work, my partner and I broke up after realizing that this wasn’t the road he wanted to take. There was no point in holding on to someone, that no matter how much you loved, was just not at the point to support this decision. I was already going through it alone, so at this point, I thought, I’ve been alone until now, so why live in the false reality of thinking that I have a partner that is supporting this life-changing journey. Maybe that was what the universe was trying to tell me; to clean up the things that weren’t serving me and make way for a new chapter in my life. So with a heavy heart, I let go of everything and patiently waited for the next transfer.