My Journey to Fatherhood

“Holy Shit! I’m going to be a Dad!

“Holy Shit! I’m going to be a Dad!

I don’t even know where to begin. When people say lost for words, I never truly understood it until now. Friday, April 19, 2018, I get up hungover (yes I’m not proud of it!), and make my morning coffee, I hop on Facebook to play my mindless games. As the years go by I find myself wasting a lot of time on meaningless things, an hour playing “Go Crash Saga” Which is one of the many reasons I wanted to become a father.

Why did I want to become a father? I’ve always lived my life doing what I loved. I traveled the world, working and falling in love in many countries. I flew where I wanted, stayed in the best hotels ate in the homes of Michelin Star Chefs.  I made films and tv shows, sold them worldwide.  I have lived. I’m pretty happy with what I’ve accomplished. But at the end of the day, I would lay in bed knowing with all my heart that there was something more to life then what I had. More than making money, getting high, 18-hour flights and weekends in Dubai.

A family. A child.

A lot of my gay friends don’t understand this need I have to be a father. My best friend, Jeff says, I’m a great ga-uncle, but that’s it! He enjoy’s the freedom of not having a child, the disposable income, the locking the door behind you and going to PV in February with nothing but a speedo. I don’t know, I feel I am ready for fatherhood, I’m ready to have a weekend at home watching my baby crawl for the first time. It’s the next natural step. Right?

I know that it’s not going to be easy. I know that I will make mistakes. I know there will be times when I’ll ask myself what the hell was I thinking! But I also know that I will be the best dad that I can be, and no matter what I will protect and love this child more than I can even begin to express. I will watch him/her grow, laugh, fall, make mistakes, and I will be there, every step of the way.

I’m looking forward to caring for someone, making breakfast, ballet, soccer, baby swimming. Night time routines; bath time, bottle time, story time, cuddle time, falling asleep on my chest knowing that everything will be okay…

Email notification – “LabResults_Ms_T……….”.

Puzzled and entirely not thinking about the last painful year of my life I opened it.

“First test results. Positive. Congrats.”

Five words that completing changed my life forever.

I can’t really describe what I felt and still feel. It’s a feeling I’ve never had before. Needless to say, I was instantly sober, my headache disappeared and all the life problems that I’m sure we all have, just vanished. How can anything be a problem when you know that on the other side of the world, in the little Muslim sea village of Mombasa a part of me is growing. A little small embryo, now the size of a sesame seed, will soon be in my arms. My life is no longer about working 18 hours a day, on trying to build my career, on making as much money as I can, on being stressed about more and more and more.



Holy Shit! I’m going to be a DAD!!!

24 thoughts on ““Holy Shit! I’m going to be a Dad!”

  • Congratulations. You have managed to jump off of the Hamster wheel and found out what truly matters in your life. We are all different, with different needs and dreams and I am happy you are following your passion regardless of what everybody else might be saying. Some things don’t need to be understood by others but answered by you. I have has a job too that earned great money. It was nice not having to turn every penny, yet it demanded much of my time with no free time to enjoy my life. I lived comfortably from a financial standpoint but got chronically sick as well. Today less is more and I invest on adventures and experiences. Like you I’m not afraid to go against the grain of society and as you know it often takes courage to do so.
    Thank you for the follow and congratulations on all you have achieved so far. Holy shit you are going to be a Dad. ❤️

  • Congratulations that’s fantastic news! So happy for you kiddo! If you need any tips then drop me a line! Love n hugs as always xx

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